I have this obsession with wishing that I had long hair. It’s borderline crazy. To help the growth process, I have started taking tons of various vitamins – and some of them are huge. The other day I swallowed three at a time and one got lodged in my throat. I stood in the doorway of our bathroom, banging on the wall so that Adam would come help me. He ran over and I did the universal sign for choking. My eyes were watering, my face was red and even after trying to drink several gulps of water, the fucking vitamin was still stuck! Naturally, I was starting to panic. Adam kept telling me to calm down – which was actually just pissing me off. But I really flipped when he left the room to get his ever-present phone. What the fuck! How can he not stay and help me! I followed him, with one hand still around my neck and the other waving in the air trying to get his attention. He moved about the kitchen, phone in hand. I watched him rummage through the pantry and eventually produce little balled up pieces of bread. He told me to swallow them to move the pill down my throat. I did this and after what felt like five minutes of burning esophagus pain, the pill dislodged. I asked how he knew what to do, he said he Google’d it. I swear I would have bet my life – which seemed to have almost ended – that he was not trying to save me but that he was actually looking up how long it takes to cash in on life insurance after death. Sometimes, marriage is just dark like that.
Collection of comic strips that illustrate the madness of my life - career, marriage, motherhood...me!
Click on any of the categories above or the "previous" link at the end of the page to see some moments that have stripped me of my sanity.