On the Fourth of July, my town holds it’s annual Independence Parade. Ever since Ella was in Girl Scouts, we have marched in the procession. And it is always hot out. Like, ridiculous hot. Swussy hot (that is a swampy pussy, btw. And I will not claim to have known that accurate and clever phrase, I credit my good friends from South Carolina for the introduction to that word. I guess they know hot down there). Anyhoo….because it was so warm out, I decided to wear a strapless maxi dress. I figured it would keep things cool without being clingy. I should have thought better of this though knowing that I’d be marching for miles and repeatedly bending over to get water and candy out of the wagon we were pulling. The cart came in handy to carry the goods to keep the girls hydrated and the spectators happy as they would catch the treats the girls would throw. It was about 15 minutes from the finish – right at the point that TV cameras were rolling to gather footage for the local network – when I bent over to get a handful of candy for Ella . I stood back up smiling proudly and waving my flag. Ella turned towards me to get the candy and she yelped – “Mom, your boob is hanging out!” I looked down and there it was! I quickly pulled up my strapless dress as I repeated over and over “Oh my God, oh my God…” I have to think it was mere seconds that my little tit was exposed and to prove it I sat glued to the TV later that night to watch the second showing of the parade that day. The funny thing was, I did see myself, but it was just the bottom of my dress and Ella’s sneakers…we were just out of the shot. But I will say that it did look like my dress was a little longer than it should be…like it had just slipped down a couple of inches. Huh, looks like there was nothing on record to prove it, “oh my – thank you God”!!
God Bless America. And Me.
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Collection of comic strips that illustrate the madness of my life - career, marriage, motherhood...me!
Click on any of the categories above or the "previous" link at the end of the page to see some moments that have stripped me of my sanity.