I don’t always try and get out of tickets either. I have two thoughts on this. The first, I probably was doing something wrong and therefore should get in trouble. The second is that it is realllly going to piss me off if I flirt my ass off – and I still get a ticket. What would that say about me? Or at the very least, my flirting skills!? On this occasion, however, I didn’t need to rely on my flirting – my daughter and her friends had it down.
It was Ella’s birthday and I was taking her and five of her friend’s home from a Hibachi dinner. Seeing that I knew I’d be driving a packed car of tweens home to our house for a sleepover, I didn’t have anything to drink. (How Mom of me, right?!)
The kids however were intoxicated on sugar from a shit-ton of Diet Coke. Capitalizing on the fun vibe of the car, I turned up Rhianna. We were all singing at the top of our lungs when I saw the familiar red and blue lights behind me. I turned down the radio - “Girls. OK. It seems I have gotten pulled over. Shhhhhh for a few minutes.”
The officer knocked on the passenger side of the car window. Ella’s friend rolled it down. Umm, so what if she was wearing sunglasses at night.
He asked me if I knew why I was stopped. (WHY do they always ask me this?! If I knew – wouldn’t I have NOT done it?! What the hell?) I told him I didn’t know but whatever it was – I was sorry.
He told me that I didn’t stop fully at the stop sign. He asked why. (Again, really?! What is this – a driving test?!) I was honest “Well. We were jamming out to Rhi-Rhi and I guess I didn’t realize that I didn’t fully stop”. And then I smiled (and then I did a mental head-slap..."Rhi Rhi"? Really? Do I think I am 20?! Ugh.)
He smiled back. God. He was adorable. Ella’s friend in the front seat was looking at him over the sunglasses she had slid down to the tip of her nose. Was she giving him sexy eyes at this age?! Yikes. The girls in the backseat then all started to chime in signing “Disturbia” while he turned on his heel and told me he’d be right back.
The girls started squealing when he left. They were gushing about how cute he was and how sweet he seemed. One girl asked me how old I thought he was – considering she was 11 and he had to be at least 25, I smacked down on whatever she was thinking right away.
While we were waiting for cop cutie to come back, I asked the girls how many of them ever got pulled over with their moms, to you know, stop worrying about being a total degenerate parent. And I was relieved when they all raised their hands and started laughing. One girl even said, “my mom tries to get out of a ticket by flirting”. Ha! Suburban Moms are crazy as hell and all the same. I liked confirming that.
I told them that I would tell their Moms what happened - really looking out for myself so that they had the right story. I was certain that if the girls told their parents that I had been pulled over, there would be something lost in translation and it would sound like it was for a reason far worse than was it was.
The cop came back and gave me a paper with a “warning” on it. He said it looked like I had my hands full and he’d give me a break. I loved him. The girls loved him. We asked him back to the house for cake (as I visualized him popping out of one) but naturally, he knew better than to go for that.
As I was tucking my “warning” away to hide it from Adam (like, he wouldn’t hear about this) the red and blue lights from the sirens were still projecting their light into my car. The girls found this a perfect time to take a bunch of selfies, their faces colored in red and blue hues in the backseat.
I didn’t think much of it until one of the girls said “I just posted to Instaaaaaa!” And now it was impossible to cover up. Hashtag - ‘not a party until we get pulled over’ - was trending all over town.
The only good thing here.....this surely must get me out of carpool pick-up for a while. Right?!