Ella insisted on staying up me with one night while I was on the couch watching TV. I switched from my show to put on a PG-13 movie that would run until she fell asleep, which I knew would be about a half-hour into it. It’s just my luck that within the first 30-minutes, there was still opportunity for one of the characters to use the word “boner”. Ella turned to me and asked "what's a boner?". Shit. My mind isn't working. I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought she was nearly asleep and I assumed this movie was like “High School Musical” but it turns out it was more like “Grease” (how did my parents get away with letting me watch that when I was like, seven-years-old?! Some of the dialogue and lyrics are so bad! All current parents hail to those of the 70’s and more carefree child-raising times.)
Unprepared, for Ella’s questions, I hem and haw and stall. I finally say "it's like being happy. Ya know, just...um….feeling happy". Ok. Let's ponder this. If she goes to school and replaces happy with "boner" like say, in gym class when she's having fun and says "hey guys! I am having a boner" - I will kill myself. Seriously die.
“Really Mom? I don’t think that is what it is. I know it’s when a penis gets hard.” Well, gee thanks for making this hard for me, Ella. Where is Zac Effron when I need him?
OK – that sounds bad. I meant for some vanilla musical number! You must be the type that learned about boners earlier than most if you thought I meant anything else. And you must have known all of the words to “Grease Lightening.” Own it people, just own it. And go high-five your super groovy parents.
Unprepared, for Ella’s questions, I hem and haw and stall. I finally say "it's like being happy. Ya know, just...um….feeling happy". Ok. Let's ponder this. If she goes to school and replaces happy with "boner" like say, in gym class when she's having fun and says "hey guys! I am having a boner" - I will kill myself. Seriously die.
“Really Mom? I don’t think that is what it is. I know it’s when a penis gets hard.” Well, gee thanks for making this hard for me, Ella. Where is Zac Effron when I need him?
OK – that sounds bad. I meant for some vanilla musical number! You must be the type that learned about boners earlier than most if you thought I meant anything else. And you must have known all of the words to “Grease Lightening.” Own it people, just own it. And go high-five your super groovy parents.