volunteered to chaperone Vanessa’s class trip the zoo when she was in kindergarten. On the school bus I sat with Vanessa next to me and in the row behind her teacher. We were still about a half hour from our destination when I started to play around on my phone. And as always, once I got stuck in trying to solve a puzzle in my word game – I started shopping. I was first looking at some shoes and then my fingers wandered over into the digital aisle for lingerie. I was adding things to my cart when a small person popped up from the seat behind us. She was leaning on the top of the back of our seat when I felt the presence of her little face next to mine. “Ohhh pretty underwear!” she said in a squeaky voice that put the most emphasis on the word underwear. Around me I heard the sound of 5-year-old giggles and snickers – even Vanessa was laughing and all too loudly asked “Mommy – what are you looking at?”. As these questions were flying around and kids were laughing, Vanessa’s teacher turned around and just looked at me. I apologized explaining matter-of-factly that yes, I must have accidentally clicked on one of those pop-up ads featuring an angel woman wearing wings and lace lingerie. “Ads are so annoying" I said while rolling my eyes to really prove I felt that way.
Moment of silence.
“Aren’t you in advertising?” she asked dryly.
Huh. Well, yes. So I am. I thought.
Speaking of…a few days later I was at my desk when the receptionist delivered a box. I knew right away it was the underwear I ordered after getting home from the field trip. I had it sent to work so Adam didn’t have a cow that I was shopping again. Like a kid on Christmas any time I get a box with the things I’ve ordered, I started to rip up the tape like a wild woman. So no one would see me today, I had the box on the floor and was checking out the goods. As I was crouched down behind my desk, someone walked into the room. I was still leaning over towards the box when I lifted up my head to see Karen from HR standing in front of me with something in her hand. "This was on the copier” she said. I reached my hand across the desk to take the papers from her and across that same desk swung a pair of lace hot pink thongs with a pretty bow in the back. I quickly went to pull them from my sleeve and realized the lace had gotten caught on the clasp of my bracelet. Something I couldn’t do if I was intentionally inventing a new fashion accessory that included bangle charms and panties. She and I held onto the papers and onto each other’s awkward stares for a beat too long. Somewhat uncomfortably, she just turned and walked out. I sat there for a moment wondering if I was going to end up a pedophile list thanks to X-rated shopping on the bus or a “do not hire” list. What other trouble could I get into with these underwear?! And how would I explain to friends, family and any upstanding citizen that the cause of my demise was a pair of hot pink lace thongs with a pretty bow in the back? Or maybe it was just my Mid-life crisis to blame again. Eeeek!
Moment of silence.
“Aren’t you in advertising?” she asked dryly.
Huh. Well, yes. So I am. I thought.
Speaking of…a few days later I was at my desk when the receptionist delivered a box. I knew right away it was the underwear I ordered after getting home from the field trip. I had it sent to work so Adam didn’t have a cow that I was shopping again. Like a kid on Christmas any time I get a box with the things I’ve ordered, I started to rip up the tape like a wild woman. So no one would see me today, I had the box on the floor and was checking out the goods. As I was crouched down behind my desk, someone walked into the room. I was still leaning over towards the box when I lifted up my head to see Karen from HR standing in front of me with something in her hand. "This was on the copier” she said. I reached my hand across the desk to take the papers from her and across that same desk swung a pair of lace hot pink thongs with a pretty bow in the back. I quickly went to pull them from my sleeve and realized the lace had gotten caught on the clasp of my bracelet. Something I couldn’t do if I was intentionally inventing a new fashion accessory that included bangle charms and panties. She and I held onto the papers and onto each other’s awkward stares for a beat too long. Somewhat uncomfortably, she just turned and walked out. I sat there for a moment wondering if I was going to end up a pedophile list thanks to X-rated shopping on the bus or a “do not hire” list. What other trouble could I get into with these underwear?! And how would I explain to friends, family and any upstanding citizen that the cause of my demise was a pair of hot pink lace thongs with a pretty bow in the back? Or maybe it was just my Mid-life crisis to blame again. Eeeek!