A few years ago Adam and I were vacationing in the Dominican Republic and we were happily getting our drink on at the pool. As with any good resort - afternoon pool games were planned! At the encouragement of Adam and strangers around me (because I really need to impress people I will never see again apparently), I agreed to enter a poolside Arm Wrestling / Beer Drinking competition. Not wanting to seem like an outsider, and honestly thinking I was cool in the moment (Ugh, when I look back on this now) I got out of the pool and walked on stage while trying to get everyone around to chant with me “Nuevo Jersey!” . I think I actually thought that whoever was called up next to compete with me, would feel intimated by my massive support system of earlier mentioned, strangers in DR. (PS – I don’t really speak Spanish so let’s just imagine how annoying I sounded saying “Nuevo Jersey” over and over again in an intoxicated, Jersey girl accent. ) And clearly – I was annoying to the monstrous German woman who was now my challenger. Shit. I am tall – an “eek” under 5’8” and overall big in size – but this woman cast a shadow on me. I think the one piece bathing suit she had on was actually one of those horrible looking wrestling outfit things that I find to be more like pornographic lederhosen. Anyway – the game was to chug a mug of beer while being in the hand-in-hand position and as soon as the first empty beer can hit the table, the guy holding our hands in position would release them. You know where this is going, JA?! (That’s German for “yes” – BTW). That woman drank her beer faster that I can inhale air and slammed my arm down with such ease, it was like I was made of rubber. The announcer guy felt bad – or was just an evil person – and told me he’d give me one more shot with this woman who looked like Flash - Fucking - Gordon. I didn’t want to admit defeat so I did the challenge again. Rumor had it she opened her second can of beer with her teeth before guzzling it down, while I was busy trying to chug as fast as someone with a past full of funneling experiences at frat parties. Needless to say, I didn’t win and while he claimed her victorious, I just sort of toppled over into the pool…which had to look just pretty….to drown myself. But Adam and my new stranger friends convinced me to just drown my embarrassed feelings instead. For the rest of the trip, I was fondly greeted around the resort as “Nuevo Jersey”. Sorry Jersey!! I really should do us all a favor and promise NOT to represent our great state while traveling outside of the US.
twist my arm
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Collection of comic strips that illustrate the madness of my life - career, marriage, motherhood...me!
Click on any of the categories above or the "previous" link at the end of the page to see some moments that have stripped me of my sanity.