Adam and I like to live in the moment, if we have $20 in our pocket – we spend it. And most times, it is on something frivolous like a night out drinking or a weekend away. So it was funny to me when our friends, who are much more conservative with their spending, told us that they spontaneously blew a few bucks on something crazy and said they pulled a “Marino” (which is our last name). Similarly, we have friends that have woken up with the worst hangovers after hanging out with us the previous night and said that they had been “Marino’d”. Haha! I just love that we are an adjective – and for all bad things! Come get Marino-D!
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I was sitting in a client meeting the other day and wearing a cowl neck sweater dress. Feeling hot from a hangover, I pulled at the neck to relieve some heat (and get rid of feeling like I was going to vomit any second), only to realize that I had the dress on backwards -- all day. This was almost as great as the time (ok - few times) that I would use the bathroom after a crazy night out, only to realize that my G-string was on wrong and the panty liner part was on my hip - all day. Didn’t think I’d really have to consider it a good day for just getting my clothes on straight. I hate you, my hangover brain.
I was traveling for work and was awaiting my departing flight at my favorite terminal spot, the airport bar. Ha! When I had to wonder....a bowl of almonds are on a bar and out of my reach....how do I politely ask two men to pass me their nuts? Whatever I did worked, I got the nuts and a free drink. Wheeee!
I am not a fitness person. I will admit that to anyone. So when our office manager wanted to recruit me for a 5k corporate marathon, it took the promise of beer at the finish line and a mention that I was the only employee who hadn't signed up, to get me to commit. I love booze and I hate being left out. I ran the race. Ok that's an exaggeration. I started out running and then walked briskly after the first 1/2 mile. I proudly crossed the finish line at 45 minutes. Right next to a pregnant woman, a 60 year old and a guy in a wheelchair. I kid you not.
Years ago Adam and I went to my boss’ wedding. A typical Italian affair, there were hundreds of people invited and we knew about 10. While Adam and I were at the cocktail hour, we looked around for familiar folks to sit with and found no one. We pulled up to a table with guests already in place, we made a light introduction and began noshing on the pre-event fare. When I explained that we were guests at the wedding because I worked with the groom, everyone was surprised as it was said that everyone at the table also worked with the groom. This was not possible – me and the groom were like, two of 15 people in our office – and all of the faces at the table were unfamiliar! And well of course I didn’t know them, because they didn’t work with my boss – they worked with someone named Mark – and we then realized we had spent the entire hour in the wrong cocktail hour.
Waiting on a table at a restaurant, we were in the bar area (of course) with the kids. My 9-year old Ella was acting crazy/embarrassing and I actually yelled “Ella! This is not how we act in a bar!" A second later I said “Wait. Sorry. I guess you would have no idea how to act in a bar.”
Forgetting his contact lens case on an overnight trip together, Adam used a glass in the hotel room to store his “eyes”. In the middle of the night, I woke up groggy, still very drunk and in desperate need of water. I saw the glass with water in it already, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke to Adam standing over me with an empty glass in his hand. With my eyes barely opened, my hair a mess, pajamas askew, and drool running down the side of my red-wine stained lips, I looked up at him. He asked me if I knew where his contacts were. It took me a minute to recall using the glass to cure dehydration caused by massive amounts of wine at dinner. “I drank them", I said. He flipped out and I fell face first into my pillow. He was not blinded by the humor.
There is nothing worse than trying to find new friends in town and realizing just moments into an arranged family “play date” that you have nothing in common. This happened to Adam and I when we went to the home of Ella’s classmate. There were photos all over the walls of the parents and kids biking, hiking and in marathons. I don’t think anyone in our family would run even if a bear was chasing us. Anyway, the worst part was that they offered us something to drink and produced ONE six pack of Budweiser NIPS! When Adam and I downed those in 2.5 seconds, they admitted to having nothing else but cooking wine. I accepted that and drank it – all. Adam raided their medicine cabinet for anything good but came up empty-handed. It was the longest family play date and the last with them! We needed to find friends with less gym equipment and more booze. Any takers?
A dinner date with my girlfriends at a local BYOB place ended earlier than I expected. When I pulled into our driveway I realized the kids were still awake (silhouettes in the window, more lights on than should be, and I was pretty sure that through the curtains, it looked like a Disney movie was on TV). Not ready to deal with the pre-bed chaos and knowing Adam could handle it, I sat in the driveway looking at my phone and listening to music. I also happened to have quite a bit left in my double-bottle of Pinot G. Knowing I wasn’t driving,I figured I would make the most of my waiting time. As a fix for not having a glass, I started swigging from the bottle. The date with myself and my wine in my driveway lasted an hour and the only thing loud in the house after midnight was me stumbling in tipsy.
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